LITTLE ROMANCES

    I want to tell you a story that began many, many years ago. You probably won't believe it. Parts of it are pretty bizarre, but - if the word of an 85-year old nobody means anything to you - I can personally verify every statement. You see, I was there through the whole thing.

   The story is about three brothers (me, and my two siblings), one of whom (me) was obsessed with pirates.  If the tale had taken place twenty or thirty years into the 20th Century - after Rafael Sabatini had brought Captain Blood to the pages of popular novels, and after Erroll Flynn had swash-buckled his way across numerous movie screens - there would have been pirates everywhere. In the 1890s in rural western Nebraska, you had to work quite a lot harder to unearth the stories. They were there to be found, but you had to be somewhat obsessed (like I was) to stick with it.

   In the 20th Century, depending on who is writing or remembering, pirates may be good fellows or bad chaps. In some recent movies, some are so good-natured, they are comedic.  Identity was not a problem in the 1700s. Pirates were ruthless pillagers, plunderers, killers, despoilers of women, and every other horrible descriptive word you could come up with. Residents in coastal towns shook with fear when they received word that a pirate ship had been spotted in the area.

   From my reading, I was surprised to learn that there were quite a few woman pirates.  It seemed like an odd occupation for any female, but most surprising - and shocking - to me  is that some were actual pirate captains, and apparently very successful at it. There was one particularly famous woman who was known to go into battle by baring her breasts to the enemy. This was said to help her win many battles, although (at my age at the time) I couldn't understand why it would.

***

   (A little nostalgia, and a possible explanation I couldn't have understood as a young boy: Quite a few years after I read the stories of that pirate captainess, I had my first view of the lovely naked breasts of a pretty woman. My first reaction was surprise, my second a wonderful feeling of gratitude. It was a little later that I realized that, for probably fifteen or twenty seconds, everything left my mind except the reality of seeing those lovely breasts. If the men being besieged  by the woman captain had the same reaction that I did, it might have been long enough to turn the tide of battle. That was a captain using all her "artillery!")

***

    If pirates were so horrible, you might wonder why a young boy would be so fascinated with them. I think part of it was that I didn't really understand much of what I read. It was all very exciting, and I didn't know what words like "rapine" meant. It all just seemed like wonderful adventure.

    The other part of my  fascination involved the code that all pirates subscribed to, and was universally accepted by them.   Called The Law of the Sea, it said that a pirate captain was the sole and  perpetual owner of anything he and his crew acquired when capturing other ships, or taking over a town. Included were riches of all kinds, delicacies, clothing and rich fabrics, and people. He could dispose of anything he wanted to, but if he wanted to keep something (or someone) forever, that was his perpetual right, and no one could refute it. To me, that seemed like an amazing law..

***

   Well, with that long - and rather strange - introduction, I think I can finally start to tell my story. As I have said, we were three brothers. All three of us were in our upper 'teens, and were generally good workers, but had no particular skills. We lived in a small town in western Nebraska, where we resided together in our childhood home, bequeathed to us when both of our parents died several years earlier. Unfortunately, our inheritance did not include any funds for paying taxes or other property assessments, and none for the general upkeep that all old buildings need. Perhaps of more concern to us on a daily basis is that there was no money to keep clothes on our backs, or to put food in our stomachs. We found enough odd jobs to keep us from starving, but times were generally hard for everybody, and work was not easy to obtain. It seemed to us that we were  barely surviving.

   The time finally came when we felt that the situation had become so dire that we had to do something, even if the "something" was illegal. I don't think we made the decision lightly, but probably everybody comes up with their own decision that things are truly dire enough to resort to breaking the law. We made that decision, and three young men from a good family embarked on a life of crime.

   Our plan was quite simple: we were going to rob a stagecoach. Now, before you get worried about all the ramifications of such an adventure, let me explain that, by the late 1890s, stagecoaches were not what you remember from your youth, or from modern-day Western movies. Long-gone were those huge wagons carrying large payrolls, Government bullion, or the U. S. Mail, all guarded and protected by a number of armed men. No, by our time, a stage was merely a coach designed to convey passengers from one place to another. No guns, no guards, no reason for a lot of protection.

   There was a spot on one of the stage lines where coaches always stopped for a few minutes. No one lived nearby,  and there were no facilities - just a waterhole, a cold spring, and a few shade trees. It was a pleasant place to stop, get out of the coach, and stretch one's legs before continuing on. It seemed like an ideal situation for our robbery, with the passengers already out of the coach, relaxed, and completely unsuspecting of trouble.

   Our planning was minimal. We decided to dress as pirates - my idea, because I thought it would be a good disguise, and might also make the robbery itself seem a little more sinister than it actually was - just because of the unexpectedness of the garb. We probably needed all the intimidation we could muster, as we wouldn't have firearms or other weapons, just the expectation that three big men would be tougher than the passengers.

   The robbery went off without a hitch. We arrived early, and left our horses some distance away. When all the passengers - three men and three women, plus the two stage drivers - were out of the coach, we rushed forward. Our garb, and the suddenness of our appearance, quelled any resistance before it could get started. While one of my brothers searched the luggage for any money, my other brother and I lined the passengers up, facing the coach. Keeping them in that position, we had one person turn toward us, giving us any cash they had, then turning back to face the coach. When all had offered up what they had, we started to let them reboard the coach. However, at the last minute, I had another idea.

   "Taking this stagecoach has been very much like capturing a ship in the ocean, or taking over a coastal town. Therefore, as pirate captain, I  have decided to invoke the Law of the Sea, and claim this woman..." Here, I took hold of the arm of said woman, and pulled her to me. "...as part of my winnings."

   As you might imagine, our peaceful robbery turned unpeaceful quickly. Everybody, including my brothers,  (but surprisingly, not the young woman, herself) protested. "I've made my decision," I announced. "It's now Law." My brothers were obviously not happy, but they helped get the rest of the passengers back on the stage. There were pleas for the safety of the girl, but to no avail, and we sent the coach - minus a little money, and one woman - on its way. We waited until it was out of sight, and its dust had settled, then walked back to the horses.

   My brothers grumbled at me all the way to the horses. I ignored them as much as I could. We did have a problem of sorts when we got there. We only had three horses, not intending to have the fourth traveler. I was going to have her sit in front of me, but her dress was cut so slimly that there was no way she could get her legs across the horse's back. She solved this by pulling her skirt almost up to her waist, which allowed her bare legs to dangle over both sides, ahead of my own. Both of my brothers seemed to find this spectacle most interesting.

   We rode over two ridges before we stopped, putting us well out of sight of anyone passing on the road. As we dismounted, my oldest brother brought up the girl, again. "It was damn foolish of you to bring her along, but she's here. What are we going to do with her?" He gave her an appraising look. "She's a little skinny for my taste, but with those long, long legs, I suspect she could provide us with some pretty fine entertainment."

   I have to confess that I didn't know exactly what he was talking about - I had purposely refrained from thinking much about man-woman relationships - but it was clear that he did not have her best interests at heart. "The woman is a Law of the Sea acquisition. She can't go anywhere. We're going to defer any discussion of her future until we have figured out how best to complete our current adventure. After that, I'll decide her future."

   My brothers were not as convinced about the Law of the Sea as I was, and I think were ready to challenge my authority that very minute. It was then that the woman intervened. "If we're agreed on postponing discussion of my fate, can I review where we now stand? First, I'd like to congratulate you on an excellent plan for the robbery. It was simple, but elegant. The pirate costumes were unique, and  were a little scary just by being unusual. You caught us completely off guard, so there was no need for weapons or any threat of violence. You were quite polite when you took our money, and you made no attempt to deprive us of things like rings and necklaces that we probably treasured. When you sent the coach on its way, you no doubt knew that it would be an hour or more before the robbery could be reported, and another hour or more before anyone could come looking for you.

   "By the time the passengers got to civilization, I bet most of them were thinking of the incident not as traumatic, but as a relief from the boredom of the trip. The incident would have to be reported, of course, but I wouldn't be surprised if none of the passengers chose to file a formal complaint. It's possible the whole affair would be forgotten, and nobody would have come after you."

   The three of us were all smiles by the time she finished. It had been an excellent first robbery, and we felt quite self-congratulatory.

   "Except," she began, again. That brought us back to attention. "Except for one little problem: me."

   My brothers immediately began blaming my stupidity, but I felt confident I had that covered. "Yes, that was a change of plan, but it's covered. She was taken under the Law of the Sea."

   The woman looked at me with what seemed to be midway between pity and affection. "I don't know about your law of the sea, but I know about the law of the land. When you kidnap a girl..."

   "Select a girl," I corrected her.

   "Kidnap a girl," she corrected me, "It's a very serious crime. If you're caught, you could go to jail for life. Besides that, it is generally assumed that men kidnap women for evil purposes, If you violate the girl's body - or perhaps kill her - you could be hung by the neck, and probably would be."

   She took a breath, then started again. "Men can be very cruel and uncaring toward their own wives, daughters or sweethearts. But let another man act the same way, and the punishment must be swift and decisive. They might hope to find the woman before she is violated or killed, but it's the men who took her who are the real target for justice. Considering our current situation, I wouldn't be at all surprised if a posse wasn't on its way after you within a few minutes of the news reaching them."

   I still couldn't believe we weren't protected by the Law of the Sea, but she had told a very convincing alternate story. It had to be considered. "So, assuming there is some truth to your tale, what do you propose we do next?"

   She gave me a searching look, perhaps trying to judge how much I wanted her advice. I did want it, although I was still half convinced I didn't need it. She seemed to understand that. "Well, let's defer the talk about me for a bit, and make sure everything else is covered. Your victims only know two things about you: there were three of you, and you were dressed as pirates.  Taking the pirate situation first, there probably isn't another pirate costume in the whole territory. Does anybody else know about yours?"

   "No," I replied. "We put  them together just yesterday."

   "Then, I suggest you get rid of everything pirate-y, right away. Don't hide it, or bury it. Get rid of it completely. Maybe start a fire right now, as we're talking, and burn everything to ashes while we watch."

   That seemed good strategy, and we immediately cleared a space in which to start a fire, and began burning bits of pirate costume. As we divested ourselves of everything pirate, she took up the conversation, again. "Three men together in this country I wouldn't think was unusual , but some of the others probably saw what I saw - that you are three tall men who are all three built very much alike. That almost screams 'brothers,' and might draw undue attention to you. I think the best way to handle that is to get people thinking of you as two brothers, not three. Are you going someplace in particular, from here?"

   One of my brothers answered in the affirmative. "We live in a town not far from here."

  "Good. Then, I suggest the three of you divide up the robbery money, and the two of you head home as if nothing had happened."

   "Okay, but how do we explain the missing brother?"

   "I assume you had some story you were going to use - maybe that you were out looking for work. When you weren't very successful, you decided one of you had to go farther afield, and try to find full-time work. That's where Brother Number  Three disappeared to."

   All that seemed reasonable, but it still left me with her. I asked for her thoughts about that. "It's definitely a problem. You can't just let me go, because I can identify all three of you. You could kill me and bury my corpse..."

   "We wouldn't want to kill you too quickly," my older brother said to her, while giving her what he assumed was a lascivious smile.  She stared back at him. "Well, fast or slow, if you kill me and you are found out, there's no question you will be hung by the neck until dead."

   I asked the obvious question. "So, what's left?"

  "What I think, and suggest, is that you and I go off together, but not with me as a prisoner..."

   "Acquisition," I corrected her.

   "Prisoner," she corrected me, "But as just a man and a woman traveling together, maybe as sister and brother, or maybe as husband and wife. Anyway, if there is no suggestion that I am being held against my will, there's no reason anybody should connect us to the stage robbery."

   My oldest brother protested. "We - well, my stupid brother - took you prisoner against your will. Why wouldn't you just tell the truth to the first person you see?"

   "Why I wouldn't is my business, but I guarantee that the only thing I will tell anyone we meet is that we are a legitimate loving couple of some sort. We'll have to work out the details of our story, but I'm already thinking of the possibilities."  

   For some reason, I believed her, and immediately made the decision that my brothers would go home, and the girl and I would head off in the opposite direction. My brothers would not expect to see me again until the robbery was no longer an issue. We finished burning our pirate garb, and scattered the ashes until there was very little evidence that any fire had burned there. We divided up the money from the robbery (very little, altogether), and eventually started off in different directions.

***

   The girl and I...

   (Wait a minute. I'm realizing that half the time I'm calling my partner a girl, and half the time a woman. This was probably due to the fact that, at the time, I knew very little about females of any sort, and wasn't sure when one became the other. When I thought about it, I saw that she was young-ish, and very fresh-looking and pretty - attributes of a girl, in my mind. On the other hand, when I looked closely, I saw that her body was clearly not that of a little girl, and any little girl prettiness had been replaced by a lovely adult attractiveness - hence, a woman. I think most of this uncertainty will just disappear naturally from my writing, when I finally learn her name. Then, I'll be able to talk about a specific person, not a collection of attributes. Sorry for the interruption.)

     What I started to say is that we that we began our new journey with the same problem we had earlier in the day. We only had one horse, so we had to ride together. She still had on the same tight dress, so once again she had to hoist it up around her waist, and let her bare legs drape over the horse's back. I hadn't thought about the legs earlier in the day - probably because I had a lot else on my mind - but with them always there before me, I found it hard not to look. I won't confess to any lewd or lascivious thoughts about them or her - I really don't think I had any - but they were very lovely to look upon.

   Perhaps partly to take my mind off her legs, I asked her why she had not protested my acquiring her, and why she was now helping us. "To adequately explain, I need to tell you a little about my background. I call myself Amy Forester, but my birth certificate says Amelia Charlotte La Forêt. That sounds rich, or at least aristocratic, French. It may be - I know my family was in New Orleans for a number of generations - but by the time I came along, we were just a poor family trying to survive. My father disappeared when I was about ten years old. I don't know why, my mother never commented on it, and I don't think she ever tried to find him. To keep us clothed and fed, she sold herself to the men of New Orleans. When she died two years ago,, I found myself pursuing the same occupation.

    "One day, I took the little bit of money I had saved, and boarded a coach going north out of New Orleans. Eventually, I changed to a coach going west. That's where I was when you 'acquired' me.

   "So, to answer your first question - why I didn't protest your taking me - I was going nowhere in particular. I had no destination in mind, and I didn't know anybody to visit. Going with  you was just a continuation of my trip to nowhere.

   "Second, wasn't I afraid of you? No, I wasn't. There wasn't any cruel or debasing thing that some man hadn't already done to me. Even if you were thoroughly evil men, what new horror  could you possibly visit on me? All that was left was for you to kill me, and I think that might have been a relief.

   "Still, I felt good about you from the start. You aren't like any man I have known before. Even in your scary costume, stealing our money, you were polite and friendly. I suspect the men you robbed wouldn't have any praise for you, but I saw the other women blush when you talked to them. I know it wasn't because you said anything untoward, because I know what you said to me. I think it was that you were a handsome young man trying to lighten up an obviously stressful situation. I don't think I blushed - it's been a long  time since I had any occasion to - but I might have."

   At that point, she looked over her shoulder at me, and gave what seemed to be to be a rather mischievous grin. "Of course, there was the one big reason that kept me from resisting, and prompted me to help you."

    I waited for her to tell me, but she waited for me to ask. "All right, what?"

   "The Law of the Sea," of course. What else could I do?"

   I suspected she was being a little sarcastic, or at least was teasing me. I liked her for it.

***

    As we continued our ride, she noted that I now knew her name, but she didn't know mine. "I heard one of your brothers call you 'Abe,' right?"

   "Right. Abraham Giaradelli."

    She burst out laughing. "You're lying! Giaradelli?"

    "Well, my father was a Giaradelli, so I became one, by default."

   "But you don't look like a Giaradelli. Well, I don't actually know what a Giaradelli should look like, but it wouldn't be like you."

    "Well, Miss Forester, my family tree apparently was taken over by a motley crew of foreigners with foreign names. I know my name shows up for at least a few more generations, but I have no idea what the name at the base of my tree is."

   She seemed to be pondering something. "Amy Giaradelli, Amy Giaradelli. No, I don't like it very much, but I guess I could live with it temporarily."

   "What are you going on about?"

    "Well, I've been trying to decide the best way to present ourselves when we start to meet people. I had thought about me being your sister, or a cousin. But then I remembered that every man traveling with a woman he shouldn't be traveling with introduces her as his sister or cousin. Nobody is fooled, anymore. It's just become a suspicious joke. That's when I decided that pretending to be married would be safer and less likely to be questioned. Therefore, meet Mr. and Mrs. Giaradelli.

    "But wait a minute. I've just had another thought. As close as we are to your hometown, we probably don't want to use our real names, particularly one as memorable as yours. I'm thinking of something fairly simple, but that nobody could associate with you, me, or the stage holdup. Let me think a minute." I did. "Okay, how about Lovefield? It doesn't mean anything, but sounds kind of nice."

    I thought her idea of not using our real names was a good one, but I didn't care what fake one we used. I concurred in her choice.

   "Great. World, meet Abe and Amy Lovefield!"

***

    It was midsummer, so the evenings were long. Even so, we'd been on the trail a long time, and night was clearly approaching. I had a decision to make, and none of my choices seemed very good.

    "Amy, I don't think we're far from town, but I don't see any way we can make it there before dark. I'm worried about getting lost, or of arriving so late that nothing will be open in town. I think our best bet is to camp here, then go on first thing in the morning."

   "We don't have any blankets."

   "I know. It should be a fairly warm night, and I'll build up a good big fire. We do have the horse blanket that you can wrap up in. It smells of sweat and horse..."

   "You forget I've been living with it all day. I'll survive. A bigger problem for me right now is that I'm starving to death. Do we have anything to eat?"

     "I'm afraid the answer to that is no, we don't have anything. My brothers and I didn't bring much from home because we planned to go right back, but they had a little they could have shared. I didn't think to ask. Sorry."

   We dismounted, I unsaddled the horse, and gave Amy the blanket. She immediately wrapped herself in it, and lay down near where I was starting to build a fire.

   "I still think you're a good man, Abe - certainly by pirate standards. However, your ability to provide for my needs and creature comforts requires considerable work."

   I waited for some further comment about my ineptness but all I heard were quiet little sleeping sounds. Our crazy day had caught up with her.

   I was right that it wasn't a terribly cold night, but it was just chilly enough that I was constantly feeding the fire, and trying to edge closer to it. I don't think I slept more than a few minutes at a time, and was eager to be up and on our way as soon as the eastern sky began to lighten. Amy still seemed unconscious, but I thought I had a way to entice her to wake up. I gently shook the horse blanket.

   "Mrs. Lovefield, would you be interested in finding breakfast somewhere?"

   Her head appeared above the blanket. "Really?"

   "Really. It can't be too far to town, or to a ranch where the owner might take pity on two starving travelers."

   "If you can produce anything to fill this terrible empty space in my stomach, I might almost forgive you for making me spend the night wrapped in this horrible blanket."

   "Forgiveness is always nice," I sagely replied, "And benefits both giver and receiver." She had no comment.

   "Breaking camp" was simple. I made sure our fire was completely dead, saddled our horse, we climbed aboard, and were on our way. The sight of those lovely bare legs ahead of me seemed to take away some of the stress of my growling stomach. (I don't know what was happening to me.)

   We had been traveling about an hour when we spied a ranch house. No one was visible outside, but smoke curling from the chimney was a hopeful sign.  Sure enough, as we approached the house, a middle-aged woman (perhaps 40 or 50; I wasn't good at those kinds of  estimations) came out onto the porch.   I  had been pondering for some time what I would say when  we met someone, but Amy was better prepared.

   "We've had a bit of trouble, and haven't had a thing to eat since early yesterday. Do you have something you could spare for us? We can pay."

   The woman had been studying us as Amy talked, and was looking considerably distressed. "You poor dears, you do look like you've been having a bad time. Of course, you can have something to eat. Come inside."

   She and Amy started into the house, while I tied up the horse near a nice patch of grass. Inside was warm and clean, and to my food aroma-deprived nose, smelled wonderful. Amy and I collapsed in chairs at the kitchen table, while the woman put a pot of something on the stove to heat. The room began to smell even more heavenly.

   "This is just a stew I cooked up yesterday, but it will be warm and nourishing."

   "I love you for it, already," Amy said,  "Just for the aroma. All we had to keep me warm last night was our horse blanket, and that's all I've been able to smell for a whole day and night."

   "My word, it does sound like you've had a bad time of it." She ladled some thick, delicious-smelling soup into bowls for us. For some time after that, there were no sounds in the house except the slurping of stew.

    Finally, Amy put down her spoon, and gave a loud sigh. "Oh my, that was wonderful! I feel almost human, again. It's only been  a little over twenty-four hours, but it seems like we've been in limbo for days."

   "Would you like to tell me about it?" the woman - whose name we learned was Mrs. Davidson  - asked.

   "Would you like to hear?  It's a crazy story. It might almost seem humorous if we hadn't been living it." Amy looked at me, as if seeking my concurrence, but she didn't wait to get it. What followed was the most amazing series of lies that I've ever heard a person tell. But it wasn't just the falsehoods that intrigued; it was that they were strung together seamlessly, as if she was telling the absolute truth about what had been happening to us. I was so exhausted that I had been ready to doze off. Now, I couldn't wait to hear what she would say next.

   "Abe and I are from Iowa," she began. "We've only been married a few weeks. Abe didn't have a permanent job, and we were just renting a place to live, so we decided we'd move west, and see if we found a place we liked better to settle in. We bought a covered wagon and two horses, put our few belongings in the wagon - we didn't have much, just clothes and books and such - and started into Nebraska. The trip was going fine, and we were enjoying each other's company.  But you know how terribly rough-riding it  can be in that kind of wagon, and every day was very warm and very dusty.

   "We had camped in a little grove of trees, and were just getting ready to be on our way, when we discovered the wagon was on fire! We don't know how it started, but it burned very hot and spread quickly. We didn't save anything from the wagon except the little pouch in which we kept our small cache of money. It was all over in a matter of minutes.

   "Luckily, the horses hadn't been hitched to the wagon yet, so they were okay. But  when we started to saddle them, one apparently got scared, broke loose, and ran off. Abe tried to catch her, but she just kept running away.

   "So there we were, with one horse, no food, a little money, and the clothes on our backs. Nobody had passed by us, and we had no idea what to do."

   Amy paused her story-telling for a moment, which gave Mrs. Davidson a chance to comment on what she'd been hearing. "That really is a terribly sad story, and I can understand why you would be so tired and confused about what to do next. One thing I was wondering about is why you had on your pretty dress if you were just continuing your travels."

   Amy gave her a funny smile, and actually giggled a little, like a schoolgirl. "Well, I guess I can tell you that. I didn't even have time to tell Abe what I was thinking, so it's a little embarrassing." She turned to me, and gave me a rather bold, wide-eyed look that I didn't know how to interpret.

   "Well, as I've said, Abe and I haven't been married long. We  had both wanted to move, so that was okay. Still, after several days of the heat, dust, bumpy roads, and sleeping in the back of the wagon, I wasn't feeling much like a new bride, and I certainly didn't want us to forget why we got married." Here, she gave Mrs. Davidson the same smile she'd given me. Mrs. Davidson acted like she understood it better than I had.  "Well,  I hatched a plot in my mind to get things turning in the right direction. I put on my prettiest dress - well, once pretty dress! - and piled my hair up on top of my head, like you see the models do in magazines. I was about to suggest to Abe that we stay in a hotel that night, eat a lovely restaurant meal, and then..." Here, she turned the smile back on me. "Well, then spend some time getting reacquainted. Alas, that's when my fantasy went up in smoke, like everything else."

   "Oh, dear," was the most Mrs. Davidson could utter.

   I was about to suggest that we should be moving on, but Amy had something more to address. "Mrs. Davidson, I can't really 'clean up' until we get to town and we can buy me a new dress. Still, is there a  place I can wash a few layers of dust off my face, and begin to feel a little prettier?"

   "Of course, dear. Come with me." They left the room, leaving me almost unconscious from exhaustion, but still trying to process some of what Amy had been saying. It wasn't working, and I ended up just dozing in my chair. When I opened my eyes, I thought for a moment that a new woman had appeared in the room. This one had a shiny, fresh-looking face, and long, red-gold tresses that reached to her shoulders. I thought I should say something, but my mouth seemed to be stuck partially open, and no words came out. Then, I saw the soiled, but still pretty, dress, and I realized I was seeing a new version of Amy, my "imaginary wife." I was confused, but definitely not disappointed.

    We finally made it out the door, and Mrs. Davidson was asking about our future plans. Amy continued to be our spokesperson. "We'll get into town, and buy me a new dress. Then, we'll get a hotel room for a day or two, eat in a restaurant, and then..." She gave me a mischievous smile. "We'll regroup, and decide what happens next."

   Mrs. Davidson told us that the town was about five miles away, an easy ride. As we were climbing aboard our trusty steed, she expressed disappointment that we hadn't met "Henry," her husband.

   "He's around here somewhere, working on something or other. He'll show up when he needs food or love."

   "Food or love?" Amy questioned.

   Mrs. Davidson smiled. "Isn't that what 'Home' is - a place where you can always find what you need, whether it's food for the body, or food for the heart and spirit?"

   Amy seemed to think for a moment. "You're right. That's an excellent definition. I'll remember it."

***

   We arrived in town about noon, without mishap except I  almost fell off the horse a time or two, when I gave in to my extreme fatigue.

   I told Amy I was going to leave our horse at the livery stable, and suggested she go into the general store and buy what she needed.

   "How much can I spend?"

   "We're okay for a few days. Just get what you need."

   "Obviously, I need a dress, and some better shoes." I nodded okay. "And undies?" She looked at me, and waited for my reaction. I tried not to have one. "Amy, just get what you feel you really need. We'll figure out what's left after we get a hotel room."

   She went into the general store, while I led our horse over to the livery stable. As I was only asking for a stall and a little bit of feed, the cost was going to be minimal. I got to talking to the manager, and ended up telling him of our current plight. Well, it was Amy's version. I was amazed at how glibly her lies rolled off my own tongue.

   He was sympathetic. "I wish I had something to offer you, but there's not much to this business. Wait, there  is one thing you might keep in mind. Hotel living can get mighty expensive. If you don't find some good work right away, you and the Missus would be welcome to bed down in my fresh hay. It can be warm and cozy, and soft as any bed, and there's a place to wash up, too."

   "I hope it won't come to that," I responded, "But thank you for the kind offer. I'll keep it in mind."

   I met Amy as she was coming out of the general store. She still had on her old clothes, but had several wrapped bundles that she gave to me to carry.

   "I didn't want to put on my new things until I've cleaned up a bit. I think you'll like them, when you see me in them." I didn't see why I should care what they looked like, so I just let that comment pass. We checked in at the hotel (for two nights, to begin with), ate a light lunch of soup and bread, and retired to our room. I immediately lay down on the floor beside the bed, and went to sleep.

   The next thing I remember was someone gently shaking my shoulder, while urging  "Abe, dear" to wake up. I opened my eyes to a vision of a very pretty face, surrounded by waves of red-gold hair. When I could get my eyes to move  downward, I beheld a simple, but very nice dress enveloping what appeared to be a well-formed female body. (My mind went momentarily to the thought of a certain female pirate. I don't know why.)

    "Do you like it?" Amy asked.

    For a moment, I was confused about what "it" she was referring to. I didn't have to respond, as she went on "I wanted to show you, earlier. I took off all my bedraggled clothes, took a nice warm bath, washed my hair, then put on all my new things. But when I came back to show you, you were still fast asleep. What do you think,  now?"

   I think my mind was still picturing her with her clothes off, in her warm bath, but I rallied with some complementary remarks on her and the dress. She smiled a big smile. "Thank you, Abe dear. I knew you'd like it.

   That was the second time she'd called me "dear." "Amy, you shouldn't be calling me 'dear.'"

   She looked at me oddly. "Why shouldn't a wife call her husband 'dear?' It's the most natural thing in the world."

   "But, Amy, we're not married."

    I didn't know what a scandalized woman would look like, but I was pretty sure I was seeing one. "What do you mean, not married? Do you think I am the kind of girl who would be alone with a man in a hotel room, if we weren't married?"

   I knew she was teasing me, but I couldn't quite figure it out. "Amy, it was a fake marriage. We needed to appear married to get a hotel room."

   She seemed even more upset than before. "I've heard of women who would pretend to be married, so they could go with a man to a hotel to... Well, we won't discuss what they would go for. But be assured that I am not that kind of woman, and that I would not be here - for any reason! - if we weren't married. I can't believe you would think otherwise."

   I was still trying to untangle all that, when she abruptly shifted the conversation. "You must have really been stressed. You slept for almost six hours. Was it a restful sleep?"

   I thought about that. "Not really. I had strange dreams of weddings, and traveling, and wagons burning up, and... Well, just all kinds of strange events."

   She gave a little laugh. "That's all perfectly natural. Your mind was just reliving all the stresses of the last few weeks. First, our marriage... Well, that wasn't stressful like the other things, but we certainly used up a lot of energy, didn't we?"

   I think I was blushing. I hoped the room was dark enough that she wouldn't see.

   "Anyway, then our rather sudden decision to move, the stress of the trip, the burned up wagon, the lost horse, last night on the hill with no food or warm clothes... Well, it all just caught up with you."

   I studied her closely, waiting for her to crack a smile, or otherwise admit the joke. She didn't.

   "Amy, you know that none of that ever happened. It's just the story you made up to tell Mrs. Davidson."

   "Yes, I told that to Mrs. Davidson, but I didn't make it up. I told her what had happened to us."

   "You didn't."

   "Abe, did we or did we not camp last night with no food? Didn't you wrap me in the horse blanket - the one item we had to keep me warm? Didn't you stay up all night, tending the fire so I wouldn't get cold?" I started to answer, but she kept talking. "Well, if that's true, and if it's true you got me to Mrs. Davidson's this morning, how can the rest not be true?"

   She was such a believable liar! "It isn't true, because there's another explanation - which you know very well!"

   She looked at me as if I was crazy. "All right, what is this other explanation, that 'I know very well'?"

   I couldn't believe she was sticking to her story. "Okay, yesterday morning my brothers and I robbed a stage coach."

   "You're kidding."

   "You know I'm not kidding. After we robbed all the passengers, I took you with me as part of my winnings from a successful raid."

   "You kidnapped me, while I was yelling and screaming and trying to fight you off?"

   "No, you didn't resist at all. You just came quietly."

   She gave me another of those incredulous looks. "Abe, you sometimes seem a little naive about man-woman relationships. But you must know that a man abducts a woman by force for only one reason: to debase and degrade her, to have his way with her in whatever way he chooses. In your story, I would have been in constant terror of what was going to happen to me. Surely,  I'd be wondering if you were just going to make me suffer immense humiliation, or if you were then going to murder me."

   Amy, of course, knew that none of that was true, but she had a final question. "The way you tell it, I was completely in your power, and could have been subjected at any time to anything you wanted to do to me. Yet, a few hours later, we were camping together like friends. How do you explain that?"

   Well, if you recall, she had explained all that to me. I won't say I had completely understood it all, but I know what she said. I repeated to her the explanation she had given to me. She seemed to be listening carefully, but when I had finished she just shook her head.

   "No, that makes no  sense at all. I like my version better."

   I was trying to think of a rebuttal, but I found that she'd already changed the subject. "They closed the kitchen while you were sleeping, but I had them make sandwiches for us. I ate mine a while ago. Are you going to want yours? If not, I'm still really hungry."

   I couldn't believe it. She had spent more than an hour confusing my mind, and now she wanted to take the food from my lips. It was bizarre.

   I finally gave her half my sandwich, and we ended the day, with me on the floor where I'd been all afternoon, and Amy on the bed above me.

***

   When I began to stir next morning, I looked up to see a familiar pretty face looking down on me from the bed. "Hello, Abe dear," the pretty face said.

   I closed my eyes fairly quickly, but not before I got a look at something else she had bought: a night dress. It was fairly simple, but my quick look gave the impression that it fit her quite well. "Amy," I said behind closed eyes, "Are you going to continue to torment me this morning?"

   "I don't know what you mean, but of course I'm not going to torment you. I would never do that. This has got to be a business day. You've got to find a job. Get up, and get going."

   I got up, still in my dusty clothes. I knew I was supposed to be doing something, but couldn't quite figure it out. I seemed to be stuck on the vision before me of that pretty face, lovely hair, Amy's new nightdress, and her bare legs dangling over the edge of the bed.

   "Abe, get moving! I know you can't really clean up until we get you some new clothes, or wash these ones. But you can go down to the washroom, brush your clothes off, scrub an inch or so of dirt off your face... Oh, and shave. There are some razors down there. Potential employers - and wives! - prefer men who are either clean-shaven or full-bearded, but not scruffy looking."

   I finally forced myself to move, went and did what she suggested, and felt much better for it. When I returned to our room, Amy was in her new dress, and ready to go.

   "Hurry up, Abe, I'm starving. After we eat, we can figure out how to plan your day."

   Breakfast was very good. I couldn't help worrying a little bit about how much it was costing  us, but we didn't really have a choice. Also, I was quite hungry, as I hadn't had much to eat for dinner!

   "So, what's your plan?" Amy asked me, when we got back to our room.

   "I guess I don't really have one, except to start checking businesses for who might be hiring. I would guess the bigger stores that need more people would be our best bet, but I'll try the littler ones, too. We really need it to be full-time, so we can start saving some, but I'll take part time - or even one time - if that's all I can get. We've been about as careful as we can be, but we're going through our bankroll pretty fast.

   "No matter what kind of work I can get, we're going to have to find a cheaper place to live in, and someplace where we can cook our own meals. We can't afford to keep paying for a hotel room, and also paying for restaurant meals."

   She smiled at me. "I can't cook."

   I smiled back. "You will need to learn, Mrs. Lovefield."

***

   I started at the general store, as it was obviously the biggest and most prosperous-looking business.  I had immediate success. One of the manager's workmen had been called out of town rather suddenly, and it was an important position. The manager asked me a few questions. I told him of our plight (well, Amy's version!), and suddenly I had a job for that day.

   It was mostly helping customers pick out farm supplies or building materials, then loading their purchases on their wagons. I liked it, both the labor and talking to the local people. I learned quite a bit about the town just from conversing with the customers.

    The boss said I could take a lunch break, but I'd had the late breakfast, so I just worked through. At the end of the day, I was given a few very welcome dollars. When he asked what my future plans were, I wasn't sure what he wanted to know.

   "Well, you told me why you're here, and that you need to get some cash before you decide what to do next. If things were working out for you, would you be leaving as soon as possible, or maybe sticking around?"

   I hadn't expected that question. "As I think I said, Amy and I didn't have a specific destination in mind. We just wanted to find a nice place where we could start our new life. After our troubles, this seemed to be the closest place for me to find some work. We haven't really got much farther in our planning than that."

   He was obviously pondering something. "Look, I just learned that the man you filled in for today won't be coming back. I need to hire someone to take his place, but I need it to be someone who will be around long enough to really learn the business. I liked how you handled yourself today. If you were going to be here for a length of time - say, a month, at least  - I'd consider offering you the job."

   That was far more than I'd ever hoped for. "I'd be very pleased to have you consider hiring me. It would certainly relieve a number of our worries. As for staying here for a month or more, I'd have to ask Amy. As we've never had  any particular destination in mind, I think she would probably welcome not having to think about moving for a while."

   "Talk it over with her, and let me know. You're obviously in good shape, and give a good day's work for a day's pay. Do you have any other qualifications I should know about?"

   I thought. "Well, I'm a farm boy, so I've done just about everything there is to do on a farm, but I don't have any extra special skills. Otherwise, I can read and write and do simple arithmetic. I guess that's all.

   "One thing Amy and I have to consider in staying here is where we could live. Obviously, we can't continue to stay in the hotel, eating hotel meals. The money would go out as quickly as it came in. Is there a boarding house, or an apartment, where we could live more cheaply?"

   "I don't think  much is available in town, but I know of one possibility. There's a fairly new house that has been vacant for some time, because the owner doesn't want to be bothered with people who only plan to stay for a short time. If I told him that I had guaranteed you a job for a month, he might rent to you on the same basis."

   "That sounds excellent. How do I get in touch with him?"

   "He's in and out of the store regularly. I'll ask him tomorrow. In the meantime, and whether or not we work together long-term, can you come in tomorrow?"

   "Definitely!" I said.

***

   When I got back to our hotel room, I found it festooned with women's clothes. Amy's riding dress was there, looking fresh and clean despite the hard use it had been given. (All these years later, the thought of that dress stirs happy memories for me.) There were also a variety of small, silky-looking items that I assumed were what Amy called "undies." I liked the look; it made it seem like people were living there, not just renting the room.

   The woman who went with the clothes was sitting on the bed,  her legs dangling in front of her. I came into the room, and stood near her. "It looks like you've been busy," I said, as I tried not to admire her legs too conspicuously. I doubt she missed my  interest.

   "It seemed like a good day to get everything clean, again. I'm pleased with my dress. I thought it might be in pretty bad shape, but it isn't. I'd like to get your clothes all clean, too. When are you going to buy some new ones?"

   "I think I'm ready, now. I was a little concerned about spending the money before I was sure we had some coming in."

   "I assume you're saying that some money has come in. You found a job?"

   "I did, at the general store." I pulled a few bills  out of my pocket, and placed them in her hand. "And I have the same job tomorrow."

    She stared at the money in her hand. "If you get this much more tomorrow, we could live like kings."

  I laughed. "Well, for about two days, maybe. But there is more to the story. Do you want to hear it?"

   "Are you kidding?"

   "Okay, then, let me ask you a question. What would you think about staying here for a month or so?"

   She gave me a puzzled look. "Abe, you'd have to inherit a fortune for us to be able to live here that long."

   "No, I don't mean in the hotel. Let me ask it a different way. If I had a full-time job, and we found a cheaper place to live, what would you think about just settling down here in town for a month or so, maybe more?"

   More uncertain looks. "Is this a pipe dream, or are we talking about something real?"

   "I think it's real. I'll know for sure, tomorrow. If it is..."

   All in one motion, Amy came off the bed and into my arms, and was kissing my lips rather authoritatively. She held on for just a moment, then backed away from me, and stood looking confused and puzzled. I suspect I looked the same. She turned away, and immediately began gathering up her dry "undies."

   "Amy..."

   "You know, we need to buy suitcases to hold our new clothes. Can we afford them, now?"

   I was sure we weren't going to talk about what we needed to talk about, but which neither of us wanted to talk about. Even so, suitcases?

   "You're right, we're going to need something. It's okay to buy something if it's not too expensive. I think just use your judgment."

   Shortly after that exchange, we went downstairs to eat before the kitchen closed. Amy barely looked at me, and we hardly said a word to each other. When we got back to our room, I confronted her.

   "Amy, I know you're upset. I'm not sure which thing you're most upset about, but I need your wise counsel now. You know I am likely to barge ahead without completely thinking things through. I've got used to having you to look at things more clearly, and give me advice on what to do. That's what I need now.

   "Here's what might happen tomorrow. The manager at the general store may hire me full-time, if I agree to stay at least a month. He knows of a vacant house that he thinks the owner will rent to us, if we agree to rent it for at least a month. If those things happen, it means we won't have to worry about money, we'll have a place all to ourselves, and we can just settle down for a month - probably a lot longer, if we want - and become a part of the community.

   "Does that sound good to you? Am I missing anything?"

   She hadn't looked at me since we got back to the room. Now, she turned, and I saw tears on her cheeks, I felt like a monster for making her cry!

   She seemed to guess that I was blaming myself, and rushed to correct that notion. "Abe dear, I'm not upset with you. I'm not angry, at all. In fact, I think maybe I'm very happy. Your news just came too fast for me to keep up. Abe, I know we're just play-acting - that we're not married - that we're not really anything to each other but travel companions. But I know we like each other, and are good together. If I just set the lies and uncertainties aside, and think about what you're offering me... Do you realize, Abe, that if this all comes true, it will be the closest I've come in my entire life to having someplace like a real home?"

***

   We retired for the night as we did every night, with me sleeping on the floor next to her bed. In the morning, things seemed to have stabilized, and we went down to breakfast together. I asked what her plans were for the day.

   "If it's still okay, I'll try to find us a cheap suitcase or tote bag or something to carry our extra clothes in. Then, since this may be our home town for a while, I think I'll wander the streets and look in the various shops, and talk to people, and try to get some ideas for us to use as we settle down here for a month."

   "Or more," I amended her statement.

   She gave me a big smile. "Isn't that a nice thought?"

   She went back up to our room, and I went off to work. My boss confirmed that the house was ours if we wanted it, as was the job. I paid a week's rent in advance, and was told that we could move in whenever we wanted. One thing that was concerning me was that Amy and I still had little more than the clothes on our backs. I suspected we would probably need to purchase a number of things before we could get out of the hotel for good. I asked my boss if we could set up an account for us, to buy when we needed to, then pay it off as we could. He thought that was fine. He said he had no worries about me making good on our debts, because he could just withhold my pay. I think he was making a joke, but he was right. We weren't any risk.

   At the end of the work day, I used the new account to buy me some jeans, a shirt, and some "undies." (I didn't find mine anywhere near as interesting as Amy's.) I found Amy at the hotel, and asked her if she wanted to see our new home. She did.

   The house was only a few doors away from the hotel. It wasn't anything special  to look at, but the inside was clean and fresh. It was also quite bare. The main room had a table and two chairs, and a rocking chair that looked useable. That was it. There were two other rooms. One had a single bed, the second  had nothing.

   After a little looking in cupboards, Amy declared there were probably enough dishes, pots and pans, and such, that we didn't need to buy any of that kind of thing. Bedding was another matter. There was none.

   "Obviously, our first purchase will be blankets. The nights will be pretty cold without some."

   "There's always the horse blanket," I teased.

   She gave me a look that did not require a vocal response. She shook her head. "It looks terribly bare, but except for a few personal items - and maybe some curtains - I don't know what else we need to buy. We need more furniture, but I doubt that will be in our budget very soon."

   She continued to look around the main room. I took  another look at the bedrooms. "There isn't a bed for me, but I could put my bedroll in the second room, and give you a little bit of privacy." I continued to scout around, and didn't realize for some time that the house had gone very quiet. When that dawned on me, I checked on Amy, and saw that something had bothered her. She looked almost if she was barely holding back tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she didn't respond directly.

   "Rather than moving into the other room, would you be willing to stay sleeping on the floor  next to me?"

   That was a surprise, but it was easy for me to say yes. "I just thought you might like a little more privacy, now that it's possible."

   "I don't  need privacy, Abe. I need you in your place next to me. Whenever I wake up, I like to look over the edge of the bed, and assure myself you're where you should be."

   I made a joke about one hard floor being very much like any other hard floor, but I found I was feeling quite happy about her request.

***

   At the general store, we loaded up on blankets and other bedding, some material for curtains, and some odds and ends for our personal needs. It was a scary expense, but it was necessary, and I knew in my mind that the money would be coming in. With all these goods transferred to the house, we could have vacated our hotel room at any time. The big problem that remained was food. We had the utensils to cook and serve food, but we didn't have the food - and we didn't know how to cook it.

   My brothers and I had to cook for ourselves after our parents died. All three of us developed one meal that we did pretty well, but the rest of it was what we called "survival eating." We'd mix something up, and if it seemed even remotely palatable, we'd eat it. The highest praise we could confer on most of these attempts was that we didn't die.

   Amy claimed that she couldn't cook at all. After her first attempts, I had to agree with her. It looked like we were destined to continue eating at the hotel restaurant for the foreseeable future.

   Actually, things turned out not to be as bad as it first looked. My "specialty" was hotcakes. I made good ones, and Amy loved them. With eggs, and meat when we could afford it, we were happy with the same easy, inexpensive breakfast  seven days a week.

   Midday, we had "sandwiches" - bread and cheese, or bread and meat. That left only dinners, but they continued to prove elusive. Amy was a good sport, and kept on trying  things, but her meals were barely - or not at all - edible. In desperation, she shared her problem with some of the women she had come to know in town. One of them (maybe the best cook in the whole region!) took Amy under her wing, and taught her much more than how to cook a meal. She talked about cooking "principles" - why certain things worked, and others didn't - and how to use spices and other ingredients to turn an average "good" meal into a feast. In only a few weeks, Amy was serving up dinners that would convince any "husband" (real or fake) to keep her around. More than that, she found she really loved cooking, and sometimes it was hard to get her out of the kitchen. Finally, the hotel restaurant became a spot for "special occasions only."

    We continued to be worried enough about money that we didn't try to buy any furniture for our home. That meant that, except for eating and sleeping, there was very little reason to stay indoors. Many evenings, weather permitting, we sat on our front steps, talked and otherwise enjoyed one another's company until bedtime. Sometimes, we'd wander around town, visiting with neighbors and other folks we met along the way. I think we were both very happy during those days.

***

   [I want to pause my story for a bit, to talk about some important things going on in the background. First, I suspect you've noticed that my thoughts about Amy had been changing. Well, her long bare legs had always interested me in some undefined way. But I was finding that I liked the rest of her, too - her pretty face, her hair, the way she looked in her nightgown, the thought of how she might look if she was a certain woman pirate captain (!!)... But it wasn't just how she looked. I liked to hear her talk, I liked to talk to her, and I just liked to be with her. I had no idea what it all meant, but clearly something was changing.

   Which brings me to the Law of the Sea. I haven't been mentioning it much, but of course it's how all this started. I had taken Amy as my pirate prize. It had seemed the right thing to do, but I had to admit that I didn't know why I had taken her. What did pirates do with the women they took as prizes? I had no idea.

   Still, something Amy had said that first day stuck with me, and caused me some bother in my thinking. She had said that the only reason men kidnapped women was to use them evilly. Well, I kept telling myself that I hadn't "kidnapped" her, I'd just claimed her under the Law of the Sea. But was there really any difference? I knew from my reading that pirates were not romantic, adventurous heroes. They were heartless, ruthless thieves, and even killers. Why did I think they would obtain women if not to use them evilly?

   That left me in somewhat of a quandary. Even if it was my "right" to do whatever I wanted to do with my prize, I would never exercise that "right," if it hurt Amy. I didn't know what to do, so I did nothing.]

***

   Everything seemed to be going so well for us, that I was surprised when Amy expressed a new concern. She was worried that someone would find out that we weren't really married. I couldn't understand who might find out, or who would care. Yes, we were using fake names, and we weren't really married, but we weren't doing - and didn't plan to do - anything illegal or immoral. I asked her to explain a little more about why she was worried. It  seemed to be that we had nothing to prove who we really were, which might prove to be important at some point.

   I still didn't understand her worry, but her intuition had always been good, and her advice had been, also. I asked her what she thought we should do. She said that she thought the most logical thing to do was to actually get married. My first reaction to that was that it wasn't logical, at all.

   "People here believe we are already married. How can we 'get married', again?"

   "We couldn't get married here. We'd have to go someplace else to get our license."

   "You mean, move from here now that we're just getting settled?"

   "No, I mean we'd go to another town, get married, and come back here to live just as we are."

   I was confused. 'So we leave here as Mr. and Mrs. Lovefield, get married, and come back here as the real Mr. and Mrs. Lovefield?"

   "No, we couldn't get married as Lovefields. That would be illegal. We'd have to get married under our real names."

   That confused me even more. "So, we'd leave here as Lovefields, but come back as Giaradellis?"

   "No, Abe, we'd be Lovefields here, both before and after, but if anybody ever questioned our identify, we'd have a valid marriage certificate to prove who we really were."

   "So, we'd be secret Giaradellis?"

   She smiled, but a little uncertainly. "Yes, I guess that's one way to put it."

   I admit that I still didn't understand, but Amy's advice had always been good. We picked a nice day when I didn't have to work, packed a lunch, rented a second horse, and rode the ten or twelve miles to the next town. The ride across the prairie was breezy and beautiful, and we both enjoyed it. We reached the town just before noon, found a nice spot to have our picnic lunch, then went to find a judge.

   It looked like we might have run into a little trouble. The judge was reluctant to marry us without some proof of our identities. Obviously, we were old enough not to need any permission, but there were various reasons why certain people should not marry certain other people. I told him my name again, and explained how well my parents had been known in the area, including doing quite a bit of business in that very town. I told him I still lived in the family home, and we'd be going back there after our marriage.

   That helped move things along, but the judge couldn't understand why we were getting married in his town, and not in my own. Amy's creative imagination "explained" that.

   "It's because of my family. Oh, they don't oppose the marriage, they're very much in favor of it. It's just that my mother is a bit of a 'social climber,' and she wanted a big wedding to highlight the Giaradelli name, and her connection to it. We though maybe we'd just slip quietly away, get married, and have a peaceful honeymoon all to ourselves, then go back home to 'real life'."

   The judge seemed to understand that completely, married us, and we rode away with a paper that had our signatures that proved we were legally and officially Mr. and Mrs. Giaradelli. We arrived back home as Mr. and Mrs. Lovefield. As far as I could tell, nothing had changed.

***

   I found out later that evening that quite a lot had changed. We were preparing for the night as we usually did, Amy climbing into bed in her night dress, and me getting  ready to get into my bedroll on the hard floor.

   "You know, Abe, you don't have to sleep on the floor now that we're really married. You can be in the bed with me." She lifted her covers invitingly, showing me her nightwear and her two lovely legs.

   I had two immediate thoughts. One was that I guess I'd  never realized that marriage had anything to do with where we had been sleeping. I'd just assumed we slept where we did because that's where we slept.

   The second thought was very much a reaction to the raised blanket. I realized that I very much wanted to be under those covers with Amy's dress, legs, and the rest of her. I quickly took off my shoes, jeans, and shirt, and in just my new "undies," started to climb into bed.

   "No, Abe, I can't do it!" Amy cried out.

   I stood there in the cold room, in just my shorts, wondering what had happened.

   "I have to confess something, Abe."

   "Can you do it under the covers, please? I'm freezing out here."

   "No, I can't. In fact, when I tell you, you may never want to get in bed with me."

   I thought the chance of that was zero, but it looked like I was destined to stand in the cold until she'd said what she needed to say. I just hoped it wouldn't take long, as I felt like my feet might already be frostbitten. My hopes were banished when she started her explanation.

   "Abe, you know I've liked you from the very start, even though you kidnapped - I mean, selected - me. You've been good to me, and not 'pirate-y,' at all. I've felt that, even in our odd circumstances, we had become good friends. That was nice, but I've been realizing for some time that I wanted more from you than friendship. I was so ready that I was picturing you as my pirate captain - my true master - who might at any time exert his full authority over me, hold me down, and ravish me to his (and my!) heart's content."

   Parts of me were still freezing, but I found that other parts were definitely warming up, as she confessed her fantasy. It did pose a problem, however. "Ravishing" - if I was understanding the concept correctly - is just what I'd told myself I would never do to Amy. Had I been wrong, and wrong or right, what was I going to do about it? I suggested to her that the best thing to do was to let me under the covers, where we could sort things out together.

   "Oh, that wasn't the confession. I haven't got to that, yet." I felt myself cooling off, again. "Abe, I knew you were feeling some of the same changes I was feeling, but I realized that 'ravishing' was not something you were likely to consider. I needed some other way to get what I wanted - and what I was sure you'd want, too, if you knew about it. That's when I lied to you. I said I was worried that someone would find out we weren't actually married. I wasn't worried about that, at all. I just used that excuse to get you to marry me. I figured that, if we were actually married, it would just be a matter of time before we ended up in bed together, in the natural way.

   "So, can you forgive me?"

  Could I forgive her? Well, nobody likes to be lied to, but standing there in my shorts, and wishing with all my might to be under Amy's covers, it seemed a rather small matter. I said I forgave her, and she let me into our bed, which I found to be as  warm, cozy and interesting as I thought it would be.

   Once we got settled, the first thing Amy did was kiss me. We had kissed that one other time, so I thought I was prepared. I wasn't. That first kiss had been quick, hard, and exciting. This one started slow and soft, but the pressure gradually grew until it felt like I might be enveloped by it. After she'd kissed me for a while, I decided to reciprocate. That set the whole world spinning for me, and I swear (even to today!) that I could feel that kiss from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. I never knew anything like that existed in the whole  world.

   We kissed two more times, and they were quite nice, but I had an idea that, whether we were talking about marriage or ravishing, there had to be more to it. I was right. After we had rested a minute, Amy began  a course of instruction under the covers. She would explain what she was doing, then do it. I couldn't believe that a woman could touch me the way she did, and make me feel the way it made me feel. Then, she changed the routine, guiding me to treat her much the way she was treating me. Again, I was finding it almost impossible to believe I was holding her and caressing her, and that she was obviously feeling some of the same kinds of feelings I was.

   Soon, Amy stopped explaining, and just let us both use the skills she had provided. We continued along happily, until suddenly I felt like someone had attached dynamite to me, lit the fuse, and left me to explode. I did.

***

   Laying beside Amy after our episode, I had no shortage of new thoughts to think. It was hard to believe that I was so naive and uninformed that, if I had thought about it at all, I wouldn't have thought it possible.

   Still, something else was trying to capture my attention. Even though I had no complaints about what had occurred - far from it! - I harbored some belief that the Law of the Sea might offer something even more satisfying. Don't ask me why I thought that. Just something in me wanted to believe that my pirate persona could unlock amazing things for us, although it certainly hadn't, so far.

   I raised up on my elbow so I was looking down on Amy. "Amy, I know you're tired and, like me, feeling a lot of very personal satisfaction right now.  But what would you say if I told you what we felt tonight would one day be a pleasant memory, but overshadowed by many, many more amazing events?"

   Amy's eyes were closed, and her voice was calm, but her response was succinct. "Abe, I don't know what you're thinking, but may I remind you  that, an hour ago, you didn't know any of this existed, or was possible. Now, you're having visions of even greater grandeur?"

   I couldn't deny that she had reason to be skeptical, but I tried to explain. "You're right, Amy. The pirate captain (me) couldn't treat his prize (you) as he should because he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Now that you've shown me..."

   "Begun to show you," she corrected.

   That stopped me for a moment. "Begun? You mean there's more for you to teach me?"

   She opened her eyes, and gave me a smile that seemed to warm my whole body. "Oh, Abe, we've barely started!"

   Well, you can probably imagine how that set my mind racing. Maybe more surprising is that it set me back on track. "I admit that I had no idea what I was supposed to do, but I remembered what you said to us our first day together. You said that men only kidnapped women for one reason, and that was to do them harm. Well, we know that I didn't 'kidnap' you, but I admit it looks pretty much the same.

   "Well, there I was - not knowing what to do, but since I am a pirate captain, it looked like I was supposed to harm you some way. I knew I couldn't do that in a million years. I couldn't harm you, or do anything that you didn't want me to do. Then, to add to my confusion, you confessed  that you would have liked me to ravish you. I still didn't really know what ''ravish' was, but it was seeming to me to be something like what I had decided I would never do to you. Suddenly, I felt that, some way, I was failing both you and the Law of the Sea."

   Amy reached up, and put her hand gently on my cheek. "Abe, I've never known a pirate like you. You're  a credit to the pirate race." I knew she was teasing me to make me feel better, but I also noticed a few  tears on her cheeks. I pushed on.

   "What I've began to realize is that some pirates are mis-using the Law of the Sea for their own evil purposes. That doesn't make the Law wrong. It's as good and strong as ever. That's why I think with what you've taught me..."

   "Am teaching you."

   "Right, take what you've taught me, and what you're going to teach me, and add in the full power of the Law of the Sea, and it seems to me that there will be no limits to what we can experience together. Well, think about what I can do now that I understand the true role of the pirate captain under the Law. With the right mindset, the things you'll have taught me, and the full power of the Law of the Sea in my possession, think about me ravishing you to just the exact extent that you want to be ravished."

   She smiled up at me. "I am imagining it. In the meantime, what are we going to do right now?"

   I showed her.

   When we were finished, she lay with her head on my shoulder, and our bodies quite close together. "That was lovely, Abe. Honestly, though, I didn't really see much difference between the 'law of marriage' and the Law of the Sea. Both excellent, but..."

   I was ready for her. "You didn't see much difference because I didn't really tap into the 'pirate power.' I knew that could have been really intense. I didn't know how intense, but we were tired and - frankly - I wasn't sure if you are really strong enough to accept all I could have given you. I'm thinking that we may need an extensive period of training and preparation, to get you fully - and safely - ready to experience my full power under the Law. I think we should start the training right away."

   She didn't respond, and I saw that she was nearly asleep. "Amy, do you understand the significance of what I'm saying?"

   "Aye aye, captain," she muttered, as she moved her body even closer against mine.

***

   For many days, weeks and months, our evenings were very full, intense, and exciting. What with Amy continuing my education (she called  it "advanced ravishing"), and me continuing to prepare her for the full force of the Law of the Sea, there wasn't time for much else. Overall, I thought we were  doing quite well, but I was a little disappointed from time to time when Amy would bring up "the law of marriage," as if it was equal to what I was preparing her for. It meant we had to keep going back, then repeating some lessons that seemed not to have been adequately learned. Well, it was all good practice.

   One evening, I thought we finally had a major breakthrough. We had been practicing for some time, when it seemed to me that Amy was reaching some climactic place we had never been before. Suddenly, she cried out "O captain, my captain," and collapsed in my arms. I was very pleased for her, but also was amazingly proud that, in that very special moment, she had chosen to forcefully acknowledge my captaincy. I felt she was ready to experience the full power of the Law of the Sea.

***

   [You probably know what I didn't know until later, that "O Captain, My Captain" is the name of a famous poem that has nothing to do with pirates or the Law of the Sea. Amy had no idea why she used those particular words to complete her experience.

  Of course, I was a little disappointed. On the other hand, I was immensely proud (and still am, today) that I was with her, and helped her, to her first (but, happily, not her last) true joining of mind and body in such an amazing conclusion.]

***

   You may be forming the opinion that the Law of the Sea is only good for one thing. I'm sure that isn't true. There must be dozens of other things I could bring up, but I can't think of any of them right at the moment.

   One thing I like about it is that you can measure results. For example, in our first six years of marriage, we produced four darling little babies, two girls and two boys. All four grew up to be above-average children, before reaching adulthood and acquiring spouses of their own. They  quickly began to add to our family tree, and eventually we were happily beleaguered with grandchildren, great grandchildren, and even a few of the "great great" generation. They loved to have me tell them pirate stories, but I only told the Disney versions, not the evil pirate villains my mind grew up with.

   I never asked any of our kids what "law" they were following. Whatever it was, it was obviously working.

   I'm getting years ahead of my story, so let's return to earlier days.

***

   After we had been contentedly settled for several years, Amy came and sat herself on the bench beside me (the bench being one of the few additions to our furniture-depauperate household). By that time, I knew my wife well enough to think that she had something major on her mind - something that could result in a significant change in our life. I was right.

   "Abe, I think I want our children to grow up knowing their real name."

   I started to respond with a joke (always a bad idea with Amy). "Well, it'll be a few years before they can write it."

   She ignored me (the usual result of my "jokes"). "They're young now, and wouldn't understand the reason they are called Lovefields, when they are really Giaradellis."

   "I have a little trouble with that, myself," I offered.

   "Abraham Giaradelli, I am serious!" If I'd had any doubt about that, it was now quite clear. I think she had used my full name only once in all our time together, and that was a time when she was particularly exasperated with me.

   "Okay, my darling wife, what is this leading to?"

   "It's time we become the Giaradelli family. No more Lovefields."

   "Okay, how do we handle it? I suppose we could call a town meeting, and I could announce it. 'Friends, until now you have known us as the Lovefields. From now on, call us the Giaradellis'."

   "Of course, we can't do that, smarty pants. We're going to have to move someplace else, before we start to use the real name."

   I knew that's what she had in mind. It wouldn't work any other way. "Amy, I agree with you that it would be nice to be the Giaradellis. Our kids would hate us when they enter school, and have to write their name all the time, but that's the only real problem I see. Still, I look around our bare little house, and at you sitting here next to me, and I think about how happy - how contented - we are here. You have been happy, haven't you?"

   She took my hand. "You know I've been happy, and it's hard to think of giving up what we have. But if we don't make the change soon, it will get harder and harder.

   "Let me ask you a few questions. Wouldn't you like to see your brothers, again? Wouldn't you like to see the house where you grew up, and meet again some of the people who were so important to you as you were growing up? Wouldn't you like to be able to show me, and our children, where you grew up, where you played, where you went to school, where you got in trouble  when you were being a willful little kid... In other words, wouldn't you like to go home, Abe?"

   I would have answered "yes" to every one of her questions, but she didn't need me to. She knew that we were moving.

***

   We had so few possessions, and so few obligations, that we probably could have moved in a day. We gave ourselves two weeks, which gave my boss time to find and train my replacement, and gave us a little more money to start out with. Our account at the store had all been paid off. We gave our landlord an extra week's rent, to potentially cover any vacancy after we left. (I don't imagine he was in any hurry to rent, and probably just pocketed the money. Not our problem.) We bought a second horse, and a "covered wagon" to transport us. (Was this to replace the wagon lost in the big fire? What lies we've told!)

   All that remained was to say goodbye to all the friends we had made. That was no small task, as the whole town seemed to have adopted us, and we had likewise adopted them. Some of the bonds were hard to break, but finally we were ready to leave.

   I was sorry that the last thing we told our friends was a lie. When asked where we were going, there didn't seem to be any way to introduce the Giaradelli name into the explanation. Instead, we said we were  going to visit Amy's (non-existent) family, who needed help from us at that time. And so we left.

   You probably haven't been able to follow our travels geographically, but the truth was that we were never far from my home. Now, after our  first day of travel, we camped very near to where  we had burned the pirate costumes and departed from my brothers. By noon on the second day, I was viewing the familiar buildings and landmarks of my hometown.

   We stopped in front of the house I'd spent all my early years in, and I went up to the door, alone. We hadn't told anyone we were coming. Therefore, it was a bit of a surprise to me, when I started to introduce myself to the young woman who answered. I hadn't said a word when her arms were around my neck. "Abe, what a great surprise! Dan will go crazy."

   [I don't think I've ever mentioned my brothers' names. Dan was the older, and Michael was the younger.]

   She loosened her hold on me enough to let me view her from a little distance. I knew her, but... "Millie, Abe, Millie Brewster - well, Millie Giaradelli now, your sister-in-law."

   I laughed. "Millie, I knew that I knew you, but seeing you here was definitely unexpected." Well, it was a surprise, but maybe not that unexpected. We had been in school together, and had known each other most of our lives. Finding her married to my brother wasn't inevitable, but  marriage choices were limited in most small Nebraska towns, so if it hadn't been her...

   While we were talking, I saw Dan come up behind her, at the same time Amy was approaching me. Dan saw me, and started to smile, but then saw Amy. "My god, it's..."

   Amy didn't let him finish. She rushed past me to Dan, and like Millie had done with me, gave him a big hug. "Amy Giaradelli, sister-in-law. You must be Dan." She kissed him on the cheek, then turned to Millie.

   "Sorry about that. Abe says I can be a little too spontaneous, sometimes. I'm Amy, by the way.

   Millie laughed, and introduced herself. "That's okay. He seemed to like it. He's always complaining he never gets enough of that kind of thing from me - a bald-faced lie! - but maybe you've taken a little pressure off me."

   While they talked, I gave Dan a brotherly hug. "I think Amy just saved us from some awkward explanations. Warn Michael, if you get a chance."

   "Where is Michael, by the way?" I asked as if that's what we were talking about.

   Dan had been able to compose himself a bit. "He's just up the street a ways. He and Jessie were  sharing the house with us, but as our families began to grow, they thought they'd plan for the future, and build their own house.  Lottie," he said to the little girl who seemed to be their oldest, "Would you tell Uncle and Auntie that we have a surprise for them, and they should come back with you? Don't tell them what the surprise is, though."

   Lottie gave him a look that said clearly she had no idea what the "surprise" was, but she was a good messenger.  In a few minutes, she  was coming back in company with my brother Michael, Jessie (I remembered her maiden name, Longstreet - another school friend), a toddler, and a baby in Jessie's arms. Dan walked out to meet them, and pulled Michael aside for a moment, while the others walked on. "Don't register surprise when you meet our new sister-in-law," he whispered. Michael looked a question, but Dan just said he'd understand when the time came.

   Michael did "understand;" even so, a brief look of unbelief or fear or something crossed his face. He recovered quickly, and graciously "introduced" himself and Jessie to their new sister-in-law. Amy gave them both sisterly hugs.

***

    [As you might imagine, my brothers were quite curious about how Amy and I ended up married. When we were alone, they tried for more information. I didn't see how I could make any quick sense out of Amy's and my "courtship," so I summarized it, like this: we were traveling together, we liked traveling together, we liked each other, and we got married. That hardly satisfied, but that's all they got.

   Some time after that, Amy told me that both brothers had apologized for any bad behavior on their part, when first they met. Amy said she told them that she couldn't remember any "bad behavior," and that issue seemed to be forever resolved.]

***

     In the years that followed, more babies were born, children went to school, parents got older, etc., etc. I suppose I could tell you dozens of stories about our lives that would be "interesting," but they were really only important to us as part of the fabric of our developing relationships. Let's just leave it that we grew into a very happy, loving, close Giaradelli clan.

   I will tell you two stories, one of some importance in our lives. Before Amy and I arrived on the scene, our siblings had established a small general store in town. It had potential, but shortage of funds to invest meant a shortage of products offered. Amy and I offered up what savings we had. It didn't seem like much, but was enough to considerably expand our product line. The store became a local success, and in the years that followed, we established branches of The Peoples' General Store in most of the towns in northwest Nebraska. There are still some around even today, owned and operated by Giaradelli children and grand-children.

   The second story is really just Amy's and mine, but it conveys a strong message about the need to always plan ahead. Amy expressed strong disapproval with me for getting myself assigned to the Nebraska Giaradelli family tree, rather than to the rich and famous group in California. If we had been with that group, she reasoned, we might have been in line for some major inheritance, like a lifetime supply of chocolate bars. Instead - and to mis-use a bible verse - we already "had our reward."

   Well, there wasn't anything to be done, but I apologized for my lack of advance planning. I didn't tell her that the California group had no ties to us, or that they didn't even spell their name the same way.  Why let facts ruin a good (and potentially delicious) fantasy!

***

    I suppose I should say something about the stagecoach robbery, since that crime is what led to all the other events in our lives. Local legends grew in western Nebraska, about the stage held up by pirates. Everyone seemed to have heard it, but no legend "remembered" the event the same way. In fact, that there were pirates involved was about the only thing they had in common.

   As far as I  and my brothers could tell, the robbery part of the story seemed to have died immediately. No one ever came looking for us, and probably Amy's idea was correct that the coach passengers treated it as a little break from boredom, rather than a fearsome event. It had been illegal, and we had been stupid to do it, but the outcome (or lack thereof) had been almost inevitable.

   The apparent lack of any action on Amy's "kidnapping" has always bothered me. Of course, Amy was never in any danger from us, but the Law didn't know that. It looked like ruthless badmen had captured a helpless woman. It should have been treated that way. Someone should have come looking for her.

   I never had any worries about being convicted of kidnapping. If we had been found, it would have been immediately clear that Amy and I were living together as man and wife, with absolutely no evidence of coercion. But, again, the Law didn't know that. Someone should have come looking for her.

   I know it would have been hard to track us. I know she was a single woman traveling alone, that no one knew  anything about her, and she had no local contacts of any kind. She wouldn't be "missed," would she? Yet, that woman without a known past, present or future, was worth more to me than all the diamonds in the entire world. Wasn't she worth a little time to be searched for?

***

   I suppose this is as good a place as any for a confession, of sorts, and some further explanation: A couple of years after we moved home, I  discovered that there was no pirate "Law of the Sea." I don't know where I ever  got the idea. It makes no sense. Does it seem likely that any pirate captain - as a class, known for their selfishness and cruelty - would cede such power to any other pirate captain? He wouldn't. And what about the non-pirates? Say that the marauders captured a ship filled with gold  bullion. Would the Navy just say "easy come, easy go," and let the pirates keep it? Does that seem likely? Or how about the merchant whose wife and daughter are captured by the evil villains of the High Seas? Does he just say that he liked them and missed them, but what could he do against the Law of the Sea? No, I was just flat-out wrong!

   I never told Amy about my mistake. I suppose part of my reason is that I was too embarrassed to admit that our entire life together had been built on a fantasy. Actually, I think the major reason I didn't tell her is that I was still "instructing" her in the Law of the Sea, and I didn't think it would have been fair of me to suddenly stop the lessons. There was obviously a lot more to learn.

***

    It's time to bring this tale to a close. Amy passed away a month ago. I think I said early in my story that I'm now 85 years old. That means that she and I were husband and wife (partly make-believe, mostly real) for over 60 years. I loved her beyond all imagining, and the sad loneliness I'm feeling now is undescribable.

   I feel like the last of my generation, and I may well be, speaking just of northwest Nebraska. My brothers and sisters-in-law all passed before Amy. School friends who had stayed in town are all gone. "Old timers" and those a little younger who I knew as teachers and shop keepers and just "friends" are likewise gone. There's nobody left for me to talk to.

   You might remind me that there are hundreds of young and middle-aged Giaradellis in town. I know,  and I love them dearly. But I don't really understand their lives, and they can't understand mine. Our "worlds" are just entirely different.

   I'm ready to move on now, and I think that maybe I'm just waiting for my transport to arrive. I was thinking that it might be a fancy stagecoach, stopping for a moment near the holdup spring, to gather me on board. What I think I'd really like is for a pirate ship to come winging through the Nebraska air, landing just long enough for me to get on board, then sailing on to the West. In my fantasy, I see that there is another passenger on board already, waiting for me to join her. My dream doesn't let me know where we'll be going, but I'm confident it will be a very good trip.

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